Retro Gamer magazine's terrible Metal Slug feature --reviewed!

[lithy]

 

[Lagduf]

Guys, I kind of like Metal Slug 5.

The soundtrack is just too awesome to pass up.

The sliding feature is asinine and the the last boss doesn't make sense but the game is ok.

Metal Slug 3 is the best in the series to play 2-player.

 

[lithy]

Guys, I kind of like Metal Slug 5.

The soundtrack is just too awesome to pass up.

The sliding feature is asinine and the the last boss doesn't make sense but the game is ok.

It is a solid game, it is just a little bit stale in my opinion. Nothing really alive like the amazing little details in the first game.

The new Slug was awesome though.

Sliding was good, but just like the Slug self destruct mode that can fuck you up on the boss of Mission 2 in Metal Slug 2, it should have been assigned to a separate button. Why have they never used D?

 

[pza]

http://s2.zetaboards.com/worldofstuart/topic/5049954/1/

 

[Sam Madeupname]

Glad somebody joined back in, I saw Sam lurking but he must be tired. It was getting boring in here!

Aw, you missed me. I'm not sure leaving the site open in a tab counts as lurking, but I can't deny that I came back to check to see if you'd mentioned mummies and zombies again!

Have you started twitching yet? Your eye squinting, the words "mummy" and "zombie" involuntarily escaping your mouth. You've tried to keep them under your breath, but that lady in the supermarket looked over.

Let's go over it one more time. You stated loudly and proudly that it was your belief that the research for the article was poor. But even long before this you began your neurotic campaign to have Stuart say that he wrote "zombie" where he meant to write "mummy". This was addressed a number of times by a number of people, who all pointed out to you that mummies are *real*, but undead mummies that turn you into mummies are not. And the difference between the two was explained to you, so very many times, as the difference between a regular mummy (remember again that mummies are real, focus on that) and a mummy with all the properties of a zombie (which aren't real). If you're not sure what the properties of a zombie are, go back and read the post where you told us the properties of a zombie (you know - the ones that described the behaviour of the mummies in the game).

So when you kept asking over and over about what the manual might say, and begged anyone who would listen to agree with you, lots of people pointed out that it didn't matter, because yes, they were mummies, and no one was saying they weren't. But everyone was also saying that they are zombies too. Mummies that are zombies. I'll say it one more time, as apparently unless it's written on the end of a hammer and smashed into your cranium you can't recognise it: Mummies that are zombies.

Sooooo, with that established (dear God, is it established?) and without that one tiny, embarrassing little detail for you to have so monotonously and obsessively concentrated on, repeating it again and again and again and again, can you now find another means of justifying your fury?

Somehow I suspect not. Somehow I think you're going to make another sodding post about how Stu said they were zombies but actually they're mummies they're mummies they're mummies not zombies they're mummies I said mummies they're mummies they're mummies not zombies they're mummies they're mummies they're mummies...

 

[Sam Madeupname]

(photo of a bee he hunted down on Stuart's site)

Oh no, definitely not a stalker. Nope, not one bit.

Weeeeek! Weeeeeeeeeek! Weeeeeeeeeeeek!

 

[Rade K]

Guys, I kind of like Metal Slug 5.

The soundtrack is just too awesome to pass up.

The sliding feature is asinine and the the last boss doesn't make sense but the game is ok.

Metal Slug 3 is the best in the series to play 2-player.

If Metal Slug 1 felt like it was programmed by a bunch of seasoned vets who cut their teeth on primitive technology and got the most out of it, then MS5 feels like a student project that tries to immitate the masters while struggling with programming on a system they don't truly understand...or have any passion for.

It's just shyte. Pure and simple.

 

[lithy]

Oh no, definitely not a stalker. Nope, not one bit.

Weeeeek! Weeeeeeeeeek! Weeeeeeeeeeeek!

Um, it was posted in the RG thread linked on the first page...

So since we are back at square one. If they are both zombies and mummies then why did Stuart omit the word mummies from his discussion and solely refer to them as zombies?

I sure am confused now.

 

[Sam Madeupname]

Um, it was posted in the RG thread linked on the first page...

So since we are back at square one. If they are both zombies and mummies then why did Stuart omit the word mummies from his discussion and solely refer to them as zombies?

I sure am confused now.

WOOHOO!

You totally did just carry on asking the same question about mummies and zombies!

HOORAY!

I honestly didn't think it could be done. Seriously - I thought there might be a point where you'd stop just asking the same question like a mad tramp. But wow - you're like some sort of savant. I tip my hat to you, sir.

(Oh, and because you're so meths-swillingly insane, I guess I'd better give an answer so you don't ask this question again (HAHA! I suggested there was a chance you wouldn't ask the question again!): If you can call one thing by two names, you don't need to use both names. Especially for a short remark in a long article with a limited word count. Especially when it doesn't matter. Got any other criticisms of the article you haven't read?)

 

[Takumaji]

No.

I don't care if you can have me sent to siberia. You're just wrong...

Siberia is sooo cold war-era, nowadays we send slowdown critics to Kärtehirt Valley Correction Facility where you have to play the train section of Slug 2's level 2 for months on end.

We have ways of making you love Slug 2.

Anyways, can we all at least agree on one thing; that gaming "journalists" are bottom feeding, hydrocephalitic, elitist losers who take themselves way, way too seriously and are one step away from manning the register at Gamestop?

Yeah, some gaming journalists are exactly like you describe but I happen to know a few of them and they're decent folks. No loud-mouthed jumping in threads where they get called out on their reviews, no calling names and no childish behaviour at the expense of the reputation of the mags they work for.

The problem here is not gaming journalism per se but a self-proclaimed journalist guy who can't stomach critizism. Yeah, not all that has been said in here about him was in very good taste but hey, welcome to the real world. If one doesn't like critizism, no matter if it's well-balanced and eloquently presented or just the good ol' plain "you suck, fuck off", he or she should probably stay away from journalism.

As true as this statement is, being a mod of the world's foremost Neo-Geo website. I believe we need your take on mummies and zombies.

Personally I'm all mummies>zombies.

Very short version:

Slug-wise I'm a fan of the classics Slug 1 and 2, and yeah, I prefer mummies over zombies any day of the week. The zombies in 3 look nice and all, and 3 really is a well-executed game, but it also is a step away from the old formula that made the games to what they are. I would never go as far as calling 3 a bad game, it's just not my fave of the lot or anything.

And the later Slugs... well, I don't mind the occasional round of Slug 4, it has lots of shortcomings but I really like the medal scoring system.

The others are boring IMO, dunno what people see in them but tastes are tastes, eh.

 

[Jedah Doma]

ZOMG. The entire internet, right there.

"I don't have the slightest idea what I'm talking about, I haven't even read the forum thread never mind the original feature, but I've got an opinion that I'm going to state as fact anyway, and THEN I'm going to try to make out that my total ignorance somehow gives me the moral high ground."





Interesting definition of "expert" you have.

Nope, didn't think so.

Shhhhhhhhocking.

Is this all the ammo you dipshits have?

Here's a story. Doctor Bob reads a popular medical journal. This issue touts it definitively covers the topic of, oh I don't know, let's say smallpox. It covers the history and overall scope of the epidemic in exacting detail. Though there are some glaring errors that this doctor notices. Since he is quite well versed in said topic, the article is less then satisfactory to him.

Then another doctor, doctor Tim, who trusts doctor Bob's opinion and has known him for years, has a conversation with doctor Bob about the article. Bob tells Tim not to waste his time stating there are many factual errors in an otherwise decent article. Trusting the information his educated friend tells him, he doesn't waste his time. Sure, he could read through it, and he would garner the same results. Only difference being he didn't need to. A respected peer already gave him the needed information.

So why would anyone waste their time reading this drivel?

Same goes here cupcake. Though seeing by your piss poor attitudes and general douchiness, the idea of having friends who tell you things like this is more then likely a foreign idea.

WHITE KNIGHTS TALLY HOOO!

Anyways, can we all at least agree on one thing; that gaming "journalists" are bottom feeding, hydrocephalitic, elitist losers who take themselves way, way too seriously and are one step away from manning the register at Gamestop?

I can attest this statement is true and accurate. Thread won.

Kid N' Play in the haaaoouussssa!

 

[Lagduf]

Siberia is sooo cold war-era, nowadays we send slowdown critics to Kärtehirt Valley Correction Facility where you have to play the train section of Slug 2's level 2 for months on end.
.

Lools like we may have to send you there Tak until you get your facts straight...

The train section on Mission 3 you mean, not 2!

If Metal Slug 1 felt like it was programmed by a bunch of seasoned vets who cut their teeth on primitive technology and got the most out of it, then MS5 feels like a student project that tries to immitate the masters while struggling with programming on a system they don't truly understand...or have any passion for.

It's just shyte. Pure and simple.

I know, it feels like it has no soul in truth.

But I like the Soundtrack.

 

[Sam Madeupname]

The problem here is not gaming journalism per se but a self-proclaimed journalist guy who can't stomach critizism. Yeah, not all that has been said in here about him was in very good taste but hey, welcome to the real world. If one doesn't like critizism, no matter if it's well-balanced and eloquently presented or just the good ol' plain "you suck, fuck off", he or she should probably stay away from journalism.

What I'd like to have seen happen here, rather than all the swarming sycophants pretending that Bobak's cascading idiocy was some work of Swiftian prose, would be for someone to have offered a reasoned criticism of Stu's article.

Not an brutish attack because he likes a game you don't, or a hissyfit because he spent too long on one game when you wanted more on another, or whatever other five-year-old stroppy-strops people have waahhed onto the screen, but a level-headed, evidenced criticism of the piece. I'm interested to test Stuart, to see whether he really would respond reasonably, or if he is the foul-mouthed monster people have decided he is. Unfortunately no one's done that. You know - even someone saying, "I don't understand why you spent X long on MS-X, rather than Y long on MS-Y" politely might receive an explanation. Might! He might just call everyone fucking cunts. The point is, no one's bothered to find out.

So many people have said he cannot cope with criticism, but no one's put it to any reasonable test. Which strikes me as the height of obnoxious arrogance.

 

[Ancient Flounder]

Oh no, definitely not a stalker. Nope, not one bit.

Weeeeek! Weeeeeeeeeek! Weeeeeeeeeeeek!

You forgot the 'a' in 'weak', dip-shit.

 

[Takumaji]

Lools like we may have to send you there Tak until you get your facts straight...

The train section on Mission 3 you mean, not 2!

Oops.

* blushes

Of course Mission 3, 2 is the tower with my fave Slug boss...

There goes my Metal Slug 2 Player Of The Decade badge...

 

[Sam Madeupname]

Is this all the ammo you dipshits have?

Um, sweetie, you didn't quite understand, did you? I asked you last night to tell us all about the examples you have of poor research in the article. You've stated it's there over and over, and I suggested that while Stu was away, you could tell us all about the examples, and we'd give him hell this morning when he came back.

But instead you ignored my suggestion, made a couple more posts calling him names, probably mocked a 15 year old photo some more (post some pics of you from 15 years ago!) and nothing else.

So it strikes me as more than a little bizarre that your response to this is to make up a lovely little bedtime story about a medical magazine. Why did you think that was relevant? In your delightful story, the other doctor pointed out the mistakes. But in the real life version, neither Dr Bobak nor Dr. Doma has done any such thing. They've just stomped around the room with their dad's boots on shouting, "DA ARTICLE HAD GOT MISTAKES IN IT!" over and over. Dr. Doma and Dr. Bobak seem like very bad doctors indeed.

Does Dr. Doma have any examples of mistakes in the article to share? There's so very much poor research in it, he tells us, so there must be at least four or five examples on the top of his doctorly head! Even if he's just quoting the examples his friend and peer Dr. Bobak gave him. He surely must know them.

 

[Rade K]

I wonder if anyone at RG would be kind enough to make that article freely available because I can't think of any bookstore in my neck of the woods that carries it.

Last time I purchased a RG, Bobak had to ship it to me from Mn.

 

[Jedah Doma]

What I'd like to have seen happen here, rather than all the swarming sycophants pretending that Bobak's cascading idiocy was some work of Swiftian prose, would be for someone to have offered a reasoned criticism of Stu's article.

Not an brutish attack because he likes a game you don't, or a hissyfit because he spent too long on one game when you wanted more on another, or whatever other five-year-old stroppy-strops people have waahhed onto the screen, but a level-headed, evidenced criticism of the piece. I'm interested to test Stuart, to see whether he really would respond reasonably, or if he is the foul-mouthed monster people have decided he is. Unfortunately no one's done that. You know - even someone saying, "I don't understand why you spent X long on MS-X, rather than Y long on MS-Y" politely might receive an explanation. Might! He might just call everyone fucking cunts. The point is, no one's bothered to find out.

So many people have said he cannot cope with criticism, but no one's put it to any reasonable test. Which strikes me as the height of obnoxious arrogance.

You guys are pretty pathetic. If what Bobak posted was "scathing" or a "hissyfit", again, that's just plain sad. Here's the problem, Bobak posted a reasonable response to the srticle, and Stu flew off the handles. And the rest of his minions are living by some screwing double standard. End of story.

Now his white knights are trying to backpedal in tandem and in any way discredit the original article by saying, "Oh it was childish...and stuff".

Nice try though.

WHITE KNIGHTS TALLY HO!!

Um, sweetie, you didn't quite understand, did you? I asked you last night to tell us all about the examples you have of poor research in the article. You've stated it's there over and over, and I suggested that while Stu was away, you could tell us all about the examples, and we'd give him hell this morning when he came back.

But instead you ignored my suggestion, made a couple more posts calling him names, probably mocked a 15 year old photo some more (post some pics of you from 15 years ago!) and nothing else.

So it strikes me as more than a little bizarre that your response to this is to make up a lovely little bedtime story about a medical magazine. Why did you think that was relevant? In your delightful story, the other doctor pointed out the mistakes. But in the real life version, Dr. Doma hasn't done any such thing. He's just stomped around the room with his dad's boots on shouting, "DA ARTICLE HAD GOT MISTAKES IN IT!" over and over. Dr. Doma seems like a very bad doctor indeed.

Does Dr. Doma have any examples of mistakes in the article to share? There's so very much poor research in it, he tells us, so there must be at least four or five examples on the top of his doctorly head!

Have you read the Declaration of Independence in its entirety? No, not from a textbook, I mean the real genuine article. Gone down to ol' D.C. and had a look at it have ya? Ah I see, so you had teachers and other people give you this information second hand. Well I'm sorry to say you have no real grip on said document, therefore you have no rights or have any real idea what it's about.

The funny thing is, everyone on this damn board could read that pitiful article you so readily defend, and even if all of them posted their gripes, you and your band of white knights would find some other excuse to discount it all. So please don't pretend you're interested in what we have to say about it.

BTW: Is the white knights circle jerk thing you got going on unionized? Any benefits? 401K, dental, health?

 

[Domino-chan]

I will add that MS3 is my personal fave in the series, but 1 and 2 are still solid entries. 5 was okay. It wasn't great but still good for a dirty romp. The last boss still freaks me out to this day.

4 was the letdown of the series. It just felt extremely lazy.

 

[evil wasabi]

You do know that absolutely nobody has been disputing that they're mummies for about 10 pages now, don't you? Was it hard to brainwash yourself into simply forgetting all the people who pointed out that something could be both a mummy and a zombie?

You're one seriously unhinged little stalker.

Mummies are not zombies. You will not find mummy movies in the zombie movie section. They're different genres and no matter how much the Lilliputians of America's little colony in Europe want to argue it, they will never be the same thing.

 

[Praise the Lard]

I still haven't seen anyone say anything about the bit where the article implies that SNKP developed Metal Slug 4 multiple times. Stu wanted an actual factual error found in the article and I'd say that is about as good as you're going to get, and he hasn't posted here since. Shhhhhocking indeed.

 

[Sam Madeupname]

You guys are pretty pathetic. If what Bobak posted was "scathing" or a "hissyfit", again, that's just plain sad. Here's the problem, Bobak posted a reasonable response to the srticle, and Stu flew off the handles. And the rest of his minions are living by some screwing double standard. End of story.

Oh, okay, sorry. My mistake. It's cruel of me to ask you to think all by yourself. I'm sorry, and I hope you can forgive me.

 

[lithy]

I still haven't seen anyone say anything about the bit where the article implies that SNKP developed Metal Slug 4 multiple times. Stu wanted an actual factual error found in the article and I'd say that is about as good as you're going to get, and he hasn't posted here since. Shhhhhocking indeed.

Sorry, we still haven't gotten past the mummies yet.

 

[Sam Madeupname]

I still haven't seen anyone say anything about the bit where the article implies that SNKP developed Metal Slug 4 multiple times. Stu wanted an actual factual error found in the article and I'd say that is about as good as you're going to get, and he hasn't posted here since. Shhhhhocking indeed.

You mean since the post where you showed you how your "implied" error wasn't an error?

Come on sugarknees, come up with an error that isn't in your imagination.

 

[Praise the Lard]

I'd have thought you'd have realised that when Bobak was making mistakes so stupid as to not even understand a (-Ed) joke,

So when there is an editor's note that looks like every other editor's note and legitimately seems like it might be a small apology from the editor for leaving such a thing in we should actually always assume that is indeed not an editor's note?

Please, Sam, give the forum a history lesson on editor's notes jokes. I'm sure these timeless pearls go back centuries. VERY common practice.