loopyeddie
Ukyo's Doctor
- Joined
- Oct 30, 2003
- Posts
- 1,204
Ok so here is what I have for sale. You are going to have to squint your eyes a bit so that everything looks a little nicer than it is. And if you end up buying these you should only look at them from very far away.
Here is a long story about how they came to be...
My mom bought an Intellivision back in 1953. She was a savvy consumer and was attracted to the technical superiority of Matel's machine over the quite pedestrian 2600. She was also aware of the tendency for publishers to release any crap that crossed their threshold. Being that she was a mom of two of the most glorious babies of the current century, she didn't have time to fuck around with a bunch of sweaty game nerds to discover all the hidden gems among the Intellivison library. She needed a quicker way to sort the wheat from the chaff. Mom decided on the strategy of only buying first-party titles thinking that this would help. AND IT DID! So by the time I was about five years old we had 96 crisp first-party titles to enjoy. As glorious as I was, I was a rough son-of-a-bitch. So I was forbidden from using the delicate machine or its cartridges. The only time I was allowed to play them is when my older and gentler cousin, Russ, would come over. My mom wouldn't even play with me because she was always exhausted from being the best mom of all ages. So there they were, never being used. A collectors dream.
Well dreams fade, my friend. Eventually the luster of the Intellivision evaporated from the eyes of my mother. When I grew up and fell into the fitly den that is the world of video games, I became the care taker of the collection. I was a bad care taker. I tossed the games into tuperware and moved them from place to place with nary a thought to the condition of those poor cardboard masterpieces entombed within the aforementioned tuperware. For years they rocked and smashed and their cartridges jostled loose and gnashed at the virgin boxes. And another age passes.
I settled down after a long stint at sea and began to finally take stock of what remained. It needs to be mentioned that by this time I had also developed a distaste for anything shabby. I was overwhelmed by the piles of disgrace stacked upon each other in my murder room. Among the tattered games were awards of my youth and even forgotten giant African millipedes. After severely chastising myself and screaming until my throat was torn to ribbons and more blood poured from my body than did words, I rented a dumpster. It must all be removed. Oh the idea of selling these games to someone who would appreciate them crossed my mind, but I can't stand dealing with filthy video game nerds. So into the dumpster they went. But there is hope yet!
As the truck pulled up to take everything away, quick as a flash, one of the neighborhood scamps scampered into the dumpster and salvaged what he could. He hissed at me and before the rock I threw at him could connect he was back into the storm drain. And another age passes.
Now I am a family man of the first degree and even am burdened with operating a failing loose meat restaurant. I still dabble in the arcane art of video games as well. I happened upon a Video Game Artwork thread on the ever precocious shmups.com forum and before me was lain the artwork from the Intellivision games of my youth. I was taken aback and needed to share. I pulled aside one of the fellow art-fags that works for me to show him. He simply replied, "Yeah, those are the games I pulled out of your dumpster, you pathetic sack of shit."
I shouted, "YOU ARE THE SCAMP!?!?"
So then we collaborated and talked about reconstituting the boxes or making gay art. Definitely not playing the games. That nonsense never came up. Then I happened upon the most virtuous of all. SELL THEM FOR PROFIT!
So here they are ladies.
BE WARNED! MOST OF THE CONTROLLER OVERLAYS ARE LONG GONE! THE NON-FIRST PARTY GAMES WERE ACQUIRED BY MYSELF AT A LATER DATE AND NOT BY MY SAINTLY MOTHER.
Completeish:
Cartridges riding solo (Dracula gone, you bloodsuckers):
Boxes only (maybe some manuals too):
Holy Grails (Both gone, you sons of motherless goats):
If I had my druthers, I would like cash for these, and lots of it. I will also accept the trade of hand tools or candy. Buyers taking the whole lot will be given priority.
I am also aware that it is a requirement to post prices, but rules were made to be broken and broken they shall be! I will however only accept offers posted to this thread. All Personal Messages will be ignored.
The dice are cast.
Here is a long story about how they came to be...
My mom bought an Intellivision back in 1953. She was a savvy consumer and was attracted to the technical superiority of Matel's machine over the quite pedestrian 2600. She was also aware of the tendency for publishers to release any crap that crossed their threshold. Being that she was a mom of two of the most glorious babies of the current century, she didn't have time to fuck around with a bunch of sweaty game nerds to discover all the hidden gems among the Intellivison library. She needed a quicker way to sort the wheat from the chaff. Mom decided on the strategy of only buying first-party titles thinking that this would help. AND IT DID! So by the time I was about five years old we had 96 crisp first-party titles to enjoy. As glorious as I was, I was a rough son-of-a-bitch. So I was forbidden from using the delicate machine or its cartridges. The only time I was allowed to play them is when my older and gentler cousin, Russ, would come over. My mom wouldn't even play with me because she was always exhausted from being the best mom of all ages. So there they were, never being used. A collectors dream.
Well dreams fade, my friend. Eventually the luster of the Intellivision evaporated from the eyes of my mother. When I grew up and fell into the fitly den that is the world of video games, I became the care taker of the collection. I was a bad care taker. I tossed the games into tuperware and moved them from place to place with nary a thought to the condition of those poor cardboard masterpieces entombed within the aforementioned tuperware. For years they rocked and smashed and their cartridges jostled loose and gnashed at the virgin boxes. And another age passes.
I settled down after a long stint at sea and began to finally take stock of what remained. It needs to be mentioned that by this time I had also developed a distaste for anything shabby. I was overwhelmed by the piles of disgrace stacked upon each other in my murder room. Among the tattered games were awards of my youth and even forgotten giant African millipedes. After severely chastising myself and screaming until my throat was torn to ribbons and more blood poured from my body than did words, I rented a dumpster. It must all be removed. Oh the idea of selling these games to someone who would appreciate them crossed my mind, but I can't stand dealing with filthy video game nerds. So into the dumpster they went. But there is hope yet!
As the truck pulled up to take everything away, quick as a flash, one of the neighborhood scamps scampered into the dumpster and salvaged what he could. He hissed at me and before the rock I threw at him could connect he was back into the storm drain. And another age passes.
Now I am a family man of the first degree and even am burdened with operating a failing loose meat restaurant. I still dabble in the arcane art of video games as well. I happened upon a Video Game Artwork thread on the ever precocious shmups.com forum and before me was lain the artwork from the Intellivision games of my youth. I was taken aback and needed to share. I pulled aside one of the fellow art-fags that works for me to show him. He simply replied, "Yeah, those are the games I pulled out of your dumpster, you pathetic sack of shit."
I shouted, "YOU ARE THE SCAMP!?!?"
So then we collaborated and talked about reconstituting the boxes or making gay art. Definitely not playing the games. That nonsense never came up. Then I happened upon the most virtuous of all. SELL THEM FOR PROFIT!
So here they are ladies.
BE WARNED! MOST OF THE CONTROLLER OVERLAYS ARE LONG GONE! THE NON-FIRST PARTY GAMES WERE ACQUIRED BY MYSELF AT A LATER DATE AND NOT BY MY SAINTLY MOTHER.
Completeish:
Cartridges riding solo (Dracula gone, you bloodsuckers):
Boxes only (maybe some manuals too):
Holy Grails (Both gone, you sons of motherless goats):
If I had my druthers, I would like cash for these, and lots of it. I will also accept the trade of hand tools or candy. Buyers taking the whole lot will be given priority.
I am also aware that it is a requirement to post prices, but rules were made to be broken and broken they shall be! I will however only accept offers posted to this thread. All Personal Messages will be ignored.
The dice are cast.
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