If there's one thing that affects me in absolute terms, it is music. So i have a lot of songs that inspire me. Sometimes that inspiration can be a little morose, sometimes its a pep-talk.
Madonna - Live to Tell
Not ironically, part of the reason this song sits with me is because I find it can be about finding strength and self-beauty when you hold a secret pertaining to yourself and/or others/a situation in the past. This is a bit of a woman's ode to the damage a man can cause, in a way, but it speaks more to me about so many other things. It speaks to me about the amount of shame and guilt I have for my past life and some of the things I did in the past under that name that I can never talk about again to anyone at least for a very long time, nor can I ever feel openly good or bad about them. Or about things that happened to me that I can never truly let out and seek redemption for. And the biggest peril, the most enigmatic aspect of the crystalized psyche in this form is
will I live to tell? Sometimes I even wonder if I will live to find out myself. The sensation of being proud of what I have and what I accomplished at the end of all of those things is what drives me to survive to tell my story, to mount the timeline, and to be better than what I ever thought I could be.
Galaxy 500 - Strange
This song struck a chord with me when I was a teen when I heard the beautiful melody and the simple words reflecting being a punk ass, high off your ass, in a drug store or a supermarket, and finding beauty in your confusion or even fear. I still routinely make my way out to public places while I'm very high so that I can relive the wonder that this track represents. Its just a summer day with no worries in a tear-jerking song.
Dolly Parton - River of Happiness
This is my death song. I view Dolly Parton as my spirit mother. I mean that in the way that I never had a real mom I could love or rely on emotionally. So listening to Dolly and becoming inspired by her is a very important facet of my life and my character building. I could never, ever hope to be as angelic as Dolly. She is the sweetest voice and person to ever grace this earth not just for me but for anyone who needs a woman from the heavens to be their mother when literally no one else is there to fill them with light. But this song right here is what has calmed me many many times when I was thinking only about death, bleeding sometimes, fighting with myself not to take it a step higher and stop being a pussy and kill myself with one fell swoop... knowing that when I finally die and leave this shit world, mom will be waiting for me finally, and I don't have to be afraid of death anymore. Maybe that sounds not so positive, but it rekindles my light.
