Retro Gamer magazine's terrible Metal Slug feature --reviewed!

[Praise the Lard]

Fuck off and die in a fucking chemical fire, you fucking cunt.

Better?

There is honestly nothing you can do to make this situation any better. You've already shown who you are. It's been said in this thread that there is some flock following Bobak but I really don't see it. However, I DO see a flock of new members joining in some vain attempt to defend you. Some even joining up just to reinforce the fact that it's well known that you are, in fact, a douche bag. Apparently you've burnt some bridges before.

I found the Metal Slug article to be fine other than you wasting space expressing your unusual distaste for Metal Slug 3. You knew damn well it was going to rub a few people the wrong way when you wrote it. That sort of slanderous content doesn't belong in RG. Do I give a shit you referred to mummies as zombies? No. Nor do I give a shit that you went through the effort to subtitle one of the screenshots as Metal Gear Anthology. You might have thought that was clever, in reality it's stupid.

I wonder then who is to blame more, you or Darren? Maybe Darren should take up damage control here, because you couldn't handle it even on your best of days. You prove this time and time and time and time (Ad nauseam) again.

I'd like to know then why the belligerent bits were left in when the article could have remained, more or less, impartial and therefore not stepping on any toes. Does that sort of content REALLY belong in RG? Is this RG magazine, or "look at me, I'm an angary video game neerd"?

 

[Mike Bevan]

If I asked you to define plumber would you get Mario out of that?

This is the thread that just keeps on giving...

 

[lithy]

Oh lithy, I'm so disappointed. You really could just tell everyone why you're so obsessively invested in your mummy manual manifesto.

You've had the editor of RG tell you the question is so boring and meaningless he can't even be bothered to answer it again, after repeatedly telling you he didn't consider it to be a factual error. You kept asking him to, in increasingly mad ways. And I've so rudely demanded you explain, and like some sort of oik you haven't.

I'm very worried about you if you don't share. I think in a matter of only a few years you'll be stumbling around back streets, a bottle of meths in one hand, a ragged copy of Retro Gamer in the other, screaming "HE WOULDN'T SAY IF MUMMIES WAS IN THE MANUAL! HE CALLED THEM ZOMBIES!" at anyone who might walk past.

Of course, any moment now you might declare you never mentioned mummies or zombies at all - you're a maverick like that.

I'm still not sure what you're asking me to tell you. I've had difficulty gleaning an answer for some of my questions from Stu and more recently Darran. We were asked by Darran toward the start of this thread to alert him to any errors. Yes that says any. Small and insignificant as it may be, I took the zombie approach. First, because it was one of the only solid factual points in Bobak's review, the rest were mostly based on Stu's opinion. But second, because it is simple. It is a small issue that Stu has not refuted writing. I just thought I'd see what sort of answer I could get for what I view as an error.

The "increasingly mad" question format was the result of being given a runaround by a couple of clowns. My questions were asked in yes or no format, yet received lengthy replies that didn't help me in my goal for an answer. I had no predetermined answer as you can see when I accepted Stu's answer of "he doesn't care what the manual says". Fine by me, retarded, but fine. But before that I had asked him the same question several times and failed to get a direct answer at all. Had he said yes and then I asked him again, maybe you could fault me for something.

So tell me again what needs explaining, I'll do my best to help.

 

[chrisr]

This thread can officially be bumped to epic status with my reply.


Game magazines outside of Japan attempting to write articles about anything neo geo related always turns out the same. Someone talking about things they know nothing about. People reading these articles are the usual "I wish I owned a neo geo" so they somehow take interest in the article, and think the writer actually knows wtf he is talking about.

I didnt read the article, but I dont have to, I already knew it would be a waste of time.

To summarize

To the author and mag people - dont waste your time, you dont know shit about the neo geo compared to many of the people on this board. So be happy that most of the people that read your article will be blissfully ignorant.

My opinion of the average idiot on this board is about the same, including the OP, whos law school days were spent trying to help Playmore sue myself for millions of dollars. Only to have them end up on the wrong end of an undisclosed settlement. They know jack about the Neo as well, but enough to hate an article you wrote. Get over it.

ChrisR

 

[strider]

I wonder then who is to blame more, you or Darren? Maybe Darren should take up damage control here, because you couldn't handle it even on your best of days. You prove this time and time and time and time (Ad nauseam) again.

I'd like to know then why the belligerent bits were left in when the article could have remained, more or less, impartial and therefore not stepping on any toes. Does that sort of content REALLY belong in RG? Is this RG magazine, or "look at me, I'm an angary video game neerd"?

First off, while we're talking in a thread about things being factually correct, my name is actually Darran, not Darren. It's pronounced Dar-Ran, but that's because it's the Welsh way of spelling my name, something that was beyond my control at birth.

Stuart isn't a part of Retro Gamer's editorial team. That's Stuart Hunt and myself. I can't really be any clearer than that.

As for the content I kept it in because I found it funny and entertaining, as I'm sure a great many other readers did. I'm equally sure that there are plenty out there seething about the legendary Metal Slug III being tarred with such an angry brush, but hey that's the way it is. Life would be incredibly boring if you didn't step on the occassional toe.

 

[lithy]

Metal Slug III

Irony!

 

[strider]

This thread can officially be bumped to epic status with my reply.


Game magazines outside of Japan attempting to write articles about anything neo geo related always turns out the same. Someone talking about things they know nothing about. People reading these articles are the usual "I wish I owned a neo geo" so they somehow take interest in the article, and think the writer actually knows wtf he is talking about.


ChrisR

You missed out In my humble opinion of course.

 

[Frankly]

First off, while we're talking in a thread about things being factually correct, my name is actually Darran, not Darren. It's pronounced Dar-Ran, but that's because it's the Welsh way of spelling my name, something that was beyond my control at birth.

But no one's claiming everything they're saying is 100% accurate.

That would be idiotic!

 

[lithy]

But no one's claiming everything they're saying is 100% accurate.

That would be idiotic!

lol

We also don't have a financial stake in anything we post as well.

Then you've really got no excuse for making groundless and offensive insults against a professional writer. I'm afraid the problem you've identified here isn't so much "bad research" as "idiot reader syndrome" - you've kinda already proved that point for me by being the sort of anal-retentive spungo who gives a crap about the difference between "II" and "2" (Roman numerals look rubbish in print, confuse readers and should normally be avoided unless there's a specific and important reason for their use. Same goes for stupid affected spellings like "Threeedeep").

 

[Sam Madeupname]

So tell me again what needs explaining, I'll do my best to help.

Lordy lawks. I know WHAT you did. I've read you ask the question over seven hundred million times. But what I've asked you almost as often is...

WHY?!

Why do you want to prove this point? What is your motivation?

I'm increasingly frightened you might be too mad to know what "why" means. I mean, I couldn't have been much more clear in the last two or three attempts to get you to say, and somehow you managed to write a giant long history of stuff that has already happened. (Which in fairness is a step forward for you, rather than pretending things you said didn't happen.) Could you say why you so desperately need to have found a perceived factual error? Don't say, "Because Darran asked people to point one out." That's WHAT. I want to know WHY you so feverishly need to succeed.

 

[strider]

But no one's claiming everything they're saying is 100% accurate.

That would be idiotic!

Um, when did I ever say that?

As for a financial stake. Do you really think upsetting 4 (I think it four, it might be more, but I could be wrong) people on a forum is going to crush world wide sales of Retro Gamer?

Obviously this last bit is for the other guy, but I'm rubbish at doing all that quote stuff and I really want to get back to Demon's Souls. It's all sorts of awesome. In fact, I'd probably go so far to say that it's actually better than Metal Slug III.

 

[Praise the Lard]

First off, while we're talking in a thread about things being factually correct, my name is actually Darran, not Darren. It's pronounced Dar-Ran, but that's because it's the Welsh way of spelling my name, something that was beyond my control at birth.

Stuart isn't a part of Retro Gamer's editorial team. That's Stuart Hunt and myself. I can't really be any clearer than that.

As for the content I kept it in because I found it funny and entertaining, as I'm sure a great many other readers did. I'm equally sure that there are plenty out there seething about the legendary Metal Slug III being tarred with such an angry brush, but hey that's the way it is. Life would be incredibly boring if you didn't step on the occassional toe.

Darran

I will admit to having a chuckle while reading it, but the surprise of it being left in really isn't lessened. Not even with knowing the "whole" story now. Do you not feel it would be more appropriate to move this sort of thing into a "roast" section where you all take well worded shots at what are otherwise considered good games?

There is a place for that sort of thing. But I don't feel that the middle of what is otherwise a legitimate article is really it. Stuart Campbell or not, it just seemed VERY out of place in RG.

The Roasting of Gunstar Heroes would be an excellent start.

 

[RevStu]

I just thought I'd see what sort of answer I could get for what I view as an error.

But isn't, of course, because by your own definition they're both mummies AND zombies.

I'm absolutely loving how defiantly you're sticking your fingers in your ears about this one, arguing primarily not with Sam or I but with yourself. Zombies? Not zombies? Poor research? Not poor research? Flip a coin, folks, it's pretty much random and changes by the minute. Sometimes it changes in the space of a single post. All the fun of the fair!

Heavens, is that the time? Cheerio, viewers! Let's do this again sometime!

 

[lithy]

Why do you want to prove this point? What is your motivation?

I'm increasingly frightened you might be too mad to know what "why" means. I mean, I couldn't have been much more clear in the last two or three attempts to get you to say, and somehow you managed to write a giant long history of stuff that has already happened. (Which in fairness is a step forward for you, rather than pretending things you said didn't happen.) Could you say why you so desperately need to have found a perceived factual error? Don't say, "Because Darran asked people to point one out." That's WHAT. I want to know WHY you so feverishly need to succeed.

I apologize if you missed this previous response:

And why am I here? This is the forum I spend 99% of my time on. I didn't migrate to this thread from elsewhere on the internet to stir shit up, I'm just responding to the mounds of drivel he has managed to drool out in the last 24 hours.

So to reiterate. Why am I trying to prove this point? I'm bored and this is the forum I hang out on. It means little else to me. We have doubled the number of active British posters over the last 24 hours which is nice. This thread has at different parts made for good comedy, great sadness, and every once in a while a moment. It is good entertainment seeing Stu just babble on with no end in sight is some high quality internet.

Asking me why is stupid I'm here every day, your defense of Stu is a more likely target for the why question. you weren't here before, you're here now. Why? Of course, it has something to do with an ethnography you must have a grant for, you're doing some awfully immersive study, so I commend you.

Of course, I may not convince you that I have no ulterior motive in this, no stake, no need for my argument to win. That's your own projections though, because my answer to you for why is none other than I am here, I am bored, and talking to the Van Buren boys is the most surefire way in the last few days to pass some hours.

 

[strider]

Darran

The Roasting of Gunstar Heroes would be an excellent start.

In that case you may be interested to hear that we're starting a new feature soon called "Plug, Plug" Let's All Play.

It's going to be replacing our current Classic Game (Garou Mark of the Wolves will be the final entry in the current style) and it will give readers a chance to play a title that's regarded as an all time classic.

The feature will be set up in a similar way to the current classic game, but instead of us spouting on about how amazing said game is, the readers and developers will be contributing. One of the new sections of this article is specifically for those who don't like the classic game in question. We're doing Mickey Mouse: Castle of Illusion first, but are taking entries for the next one, so feel free to sign up to the forum and vote for Gunstar Heroes.

 

[Frankly]

Yeah definitely zombies and not mummies

Sorry about all of the bother

 

[lithy]

Um, when did I ever say that?

As for a financial stake. Do you really think upsetting 4 (I think it four, it might be more, but I could be wrong) people on a forum is going to crush world wide sales of Retro Gamer?

Obviously this last bit is for the other guy, but I'm rubbish at doing all that quote stuff and I really want to get back to Demon's Souls. It's all sorts of awesome. In fact, I'd probably go so far to say that it's actually better than Metal Slug III.

Whatever you perceive to be your risk is fine by me so long as you are willing to assume it. I just find it somewhat amusing. I mean 4 active posters who have expressed their desire to not buy your magazine in the future. Several hundred more active members that will make up their own mind and then a Top 10 Google hit for Retro Gamer Metal Slug sends you to this website to a thread with a link to this thread.

http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&q=retro+gamer+metal+slug&aq=f&oq=

 

[Ancient Flounder]

Things I've learned in catching up on this thread:

1) Stu and his cronies are still undeniable twits.
2) Darran Jones is one, as well, which I think would mean his entire magazine is shit.
3) This thread is now so goddamned epic, Chris Ray had to come in and make an appearance.
4) Zombies and mummies still aren't the same fucking thing.

Now to await Stu's response as to why I haven't revealed my name, so maybe he can sweat some more and think I'm a big shot or something. Any luck there, old bean?

 

[RevStu]

Sorry, one last one, it's not quite 9 o'clock yet.

I found the Metal Slug article to be fine other than you wasting space expressing your unusual distaste for Metal Slug 3. You knew damn well it was going to rub a few people the wrong way when you wrote it. That sort of slanderous content doesn't belong in RG.

This isn't a rhetorical question: Who the fuck are you to decide what does and doesn't "belong" in RG? By what authority does your opinion on that matter supercede that of the magazine's own editor, not to mention the readers who've voted The Definitive one of the most popular series in the mag's history? (And every one is the exact same mix of meticulously-researched, painstakingly-accurate facts with some personal opinion for a bit of colour and fun.)

I'm damn glad the piece rubbed people the wrong way, because I'm sick of reading dolts saying MS3 is the best game in the series just because that's what everyone else says, when it's actually a rancid pile of shit. It's just a little bit of cosmic balance, so goodness knows why you've got your pants in such a bunch about it. Go read some dimwit site that says it's the best because it's teh biggest and it's got spaceships and stuff and you'll be all happy again, no harm done.

I'd like to know then why the belligerent bits were left in when the article could have remained, more or less, impartial and therefore not stepping on any toes.

Because it would have been fucking boring. A list of dates and names and tedious shite about one company taking over another one's IP.

And that's it.

But wow, chrisr sounds like he'd be a real hit at parties.

 

[SonGohan]

I want to solidify my spot in the thread that will inevitably end up in the "best of" section.

 

[Will Graham]

Well I've just re-read it. And the only mistake really is:

He called the Mummies, zombies!

but Metal Slug 5 is barely mentioned and I agree that the article feels like an insult to fans of the games and the Neo Geo (his comment on why people hated Metal Slug 4 for instance).

But let's face it, this would not have gotten out of hand if Stu hadn't attacked the forum. Defend yourself sure, but I doubt this would have gone beyond 2 pages if he did it the right way.

Anyway if you are a fan of Retro games beyond the Neo Geo please ignore Stu and read the magazine, it is good!



Now can we please all just kiss and make up and wack off to naked pictures of Squirrels?

 

[Jedah Doma]

Um, when did I ever say that?

As for a financial stake. Do you really think upsetting 4 (I think it four, it might be more, but I could be wrong) people on a forum is going to crush world wide sales of Retro Gamer?

Obviously this last bit is for the other guy, but I'm rubbish at doing all that quote stuff and I really want to get back to Demon's Souls. It's all sorts of awesome. In fact, I'd probably go so far to say that it's actually better than Metal Slug III.

In the global financial climate such as today, I wouldn't be so hasty to piss on a potential readership. I have no idea what your worldwide circulation is, but it's a drop in the bucket compared to other magazines, who themselves are having a hard time keeping their head above water. So who cares right? Well I hope you would. You keep publishing hacks like Stu and you'll be out of business quick.

What is the phrase, pride comes before a fall?
I know for my part I won't continue to purchase RG. Not because of this whole MS article, but both yours and Stu's poor response and handling of the situation.

Have some integrity.

 

[Edge Of Heaven]

Yeah definitely zombies and not mummies

Sorry about all of the bother

That would have been a brilliant post if not for the fact that the Good Reverend Stu has spent about the last four pages saying repeatedly that they're both mummies AND zombies. So all you've managed to do there is agree with him. I guess if we've learned anything from this thread it's that you're definitely a grade-A twatsack.

 

[strider]

In the global financial climate such as today, I wouldn't be so hasty to piss on a potential readership. I have no idea what your worldwide circulation is, but it's a drop in the bucket compared to other magazines, who themselves are having a hard time keeping their head above water. So who cares right? Well I hope you would. You keep publishing hacks like Stu and you'll be out of business quick.

What is the phrase, pride comes before a fall?
I know for my part I won't continue to purchase RG. Not because of this whole MS article, but both yours and Stu's poor response and handling of the situation.

Have some integrity.

Um you've not read my post have you?

Of course I don't want to lose readers. Hell I hate to even lose one reader. I love my readers, they secure the future of the magazine and in these ridiculously uncertain times that's a critical thing as you've already pointed out. It's a pity if certain readers are going to stop buying the magazine because they don't like the way Stuart has conducted himself, but that's totally out of my control. I can't force you to buy the magazine.

As someone has already pointed out, regardless of how they feel about the author of an article and how they conduct themselves that isn't going to stop them from reading the mag.

I asked Lithy "Do you really think upsetting 4 (I think it four, it might be more, but I could be wrong) people on a forum is going to crush world wide sales of Retro Gamer?"

And yet somehow you're attributing a question I asked him to my own personal opinion about how I feel.

 

[Frankly]

That would have been a brilliant post if not for the fact that the Good Reverend Stu has spent about the last four pages saying repeatedly that they're both mummies AND zombies. So all you've managed to do there is agree with him. I guess if we've learned anything from this thread it's that you're definitely a grade-A twatsack.

Silly me! You're right. Anyone looking at those sprites would say just the same I'm sure.

100% ACCURACY OF ARTICLE NOW RESTORED! PANIC OVER!