Alpha Skyhawk
Windjammers Wonder
- Joined
- Feb 28, 2012
- Posts
- 1,383
For all of you who forgot, if you preordered Wolfenstein: The New Order way back in the day, you've got access to the Doom beta now. Maybe there was another way to gain access to it, too. I don't know.
Anyway, I played some of the beta on Steam.
First, set your launch options for this game to +com_skipIntroVideo 1 to disable the laggy intro videos.
Then, disable the Steam overlay. But you won't be able to take screenshots, you say? It doesn't matter. The game looks like tame ass.
Then start the game and immediately leave your computer. Really. Just go do something else. It's going to be a black screen for a good 5 minutes. What's it doing? Fuck me if I know. At first I thought my CPU wasn't up to snuff because it's from 2009, but then everything ran smoothly after that point. Maybe it was unpacking assets, but I didn't try loading the game again to find out.
Finally, there's an actual menu. A couple EULAs later, and you're able to select multiplayer. The only gameplay option. Well, it's only fair.
Following that, you see perhaps the most disappointingly sparse graphics options screen you could have ever feared. Anyway, it doesn't seem to matter. The game's going to look like it's 10 years old no matter what you do. It probably looks that way because it took them that long to make the game, am I right?
Then you get to some screen where you can see your guy in his armor, and you immediately get reminded that you're on the iD Tech engine. That is, shitty textures that take even longer to stream in than many Unreal engine games. Fuck.
Then you get to the gameplay after all this disappointment, and by this point you expect the game to be absolute horsecock. The game does not disappoint. It's slow, plodding, silky smooth, boring, visually uninspired, generic malarkey.
You find out that crouching is toggle only. Wanted hold crouch? Fuck you. There's no run button. I guess you wouldn't need it if you moved like you're a futuristic space marine in Hell on Mars, but you don't move like you're a futuristic space marine in Hell on Mars. You move like a futuristic space marine in Hell on Mars taking a Sunday afternoon stroll in the park.
You carry two weapons, I think, I don't know, it all sucks, and it's all generic.
Playing the game is le yawn. There's nothing notable about it at all. If you were expecting to be wowed like you were back on your 486 which could barely run Doom 1 back when you were still wetting the bed at night, you've got another thing coming. You'll feel like you're shitting your Depends in the middle of scrapbooking class in the old folks' home.
Overall, I give the whole iD experience a
out of 
I wish I never preordered that flaming turd of a game Wolfenstein: The New Order running on that shitass engine with an install that took up twice the space of my extensively modded Crysis 2 yet looked a quarter as good as it with the excuse of "we save every bit of the level as one continuous file for maximum performance" when the fucking game couldn't even access the fucking textures properly just so I could play the beta of this Doom reject. I was excited for both games, too, but do yourself a favor and play the original Doom and Wolfenstein 3D games instead. Maybe, just maybe, they'll make a worthwhile single player campaign out of the game when the full game comes out, but I highly doubt it.
Anyway, I played some of the beta on Steam.
First, set your launch options for this game to +com_skipIntroVideo 1 to disable the laggy intro videos.
Then, disable the Steam overlay. But you won't be able to take screenshots, you say? It doesn't matter. The game looks like tame ass.
Then start the game and immediately leave your computer. Really. Just go do something else. It's going to be a black screen for a good 5 minutes. What's it doing? Fuck me if I know. At first I thought my CPU wasn't up to snuff because it's from 2009, but then everything ran smoothly after that point. Maybe it was unpacking assets, but I didn't try loading the game again to find out.
Finally, there's an actual menu. A couple EULAs later, and you're able to select multiplayer. The only gameplay option. Well, it's only fair.
Following that, you see perhaps the most disappointingly sparse graphics options screen you could have ever feared. Anyway, it doesn't seem to matter. The game's going to look like it's 10 years old no matter what you do. It probably looks that way because it took them that long to make the game, am I right?
Then you get to some screen where you can see your guy in his armor, and you immediately get reminded that you're on the iD Tech engine. That is, shitty textures that take even longer to stream in than many Unreal engine games. Fuck.
Then you get to the gameplay after all this disappointment, and by this point you expect the game to be absolute horsecock. The game does not disappoint. It's slow, plodding, silky smooth, boring, visually uninspired, generic malarkey.
You find out that crouching is toggle only. Wanted hold crouch? Fuck you. There's no run button. I guess you wouldn't need it if you moved like you're a futuristic space marine in Hell on Mars, but you don't move like you're a futuristic space marine in Hell on Mars. You move like a futuristic space marine in Hell on Mars taking a Sunday afternoon stroll in the park.
You carry two weapons, I think, I don't know, it all sucks, and it's all generic.
Playing the game is le yawn. There's nothing notable about it at all. If you were expecting to be wowed like you were back on your 486 which could barely run Doom 1 back when you were still wetting the bed at night, you've got another thing coming. You'll feel like you're shitting your Depends in the middle of scrapbooking class in the old folks' home.
Overall, I give the whole iD experience a
out of I wish I never preordered that flaming turd of a game Wolfenstein: The New Order running on that shitass engine with an install that took up twice the space of my extensively modded Crysis 2 yet looked a quarter as good as it with the excuse of "we save every bit of the level as one continuous file for maximum performance" when the fucking game couldn't even access the fucking textures properly just so I could play the beta of this Doom reject. I was excited for both games, too, but do yourself a favor and play the original Doom and Wolfenstein 3D games instead. Maybe, just maybe, they'll make a worthwhile single player campaign out of the game when the full game comes out, but I highly doubt it.
