OK... How would YOU plan the perfect murder?

Rot

Calvin & Hobbes, ,
Joined
Jul 8, 2003
Posts
11,441
...I've been watching this program.. "SNAPPED: Women who kill"...

It seems to me... with better planning and possibly thinking through the murder better...

...They could get away with it...

SO... if you were gonna kill someone... possibly a member here...

How would YOU do it?

xROTx
 

StevenK

ng.com SFII tournament winner 2002-2023
10 Year Member
Joined
Jul 25, 2012
Posts
10,177
I was told by a CID officer on a boozy night out that if you want to get away with killing someone you have to do it at sea. Smash them over the head from behind, not enough to crack the skull, just enough to knock them out, then throw them overboard. It's rare that the body turns up, and if it does it'll be such a mess no one will be able to tell anything.

I guess just tell the police they went for a swim and never came back up again or something?
 

Rot

Calvin & Hobbes, ,
Joined
Jul 8, 2003
Posts
11,441
Voodoo Doll.

Never worked on you... I have this doll I made from politic newspaper clippings and liberal magazines I find in the trash bin...

xROTx

PS. I need a new plan for you Norton pal...
 

The_Chosen_One

Buriki One Master
Joined
Feb 4, 2003
Posts
2,241
I remember seeing a show about a mob hit man who would freeze the bodies for different amounts of time before dumping them so the police would have a hard time figuring out the time of death or get the wrong one and he of course would have an alibi for that time. Thought that was clever.

My lawyer repeatedly tells me to never move the body, as apparently that's where most killers f* up
 
Last edited:

Jarofmayo

Morden's Lackey
Joined
Apr 3, 2013
Posts
368
First, I wouldn't talk about my plans to kill someone. After all, you can't plan a murder out loud.
Second, you just got to use the most deadly weapon of them all. Unstable air.
 

Rot

Calvin & Hobbes, ,
Joined
Jul 8, 2003
Posts
11,441
What we need... is an evil version of Columbo...

xROTx
 

GohanX

Horrible Goose
20 Year Member
Joined
Sep 28, 2001
Posts
12,521
I'd I did have a perfect plan for murder, and I'll not saying I do, but if I did, I surely wouldn't post it on a public forum on the internet.
 

Rot

Calvin & Hobbes, ,
Joined
Jul 8, 2003
Posts
11,441
I'd I did have a perfect plan for murder, and I'll not saying I do, but if I did, I surely wouldn't post it on a public forum on the internet.

acaa7908f2611a78943a173e63cc2d58.jpg


xROTx
 

Tripredacus

Three 6 Mafia
10 Year Member
Joined
Mar 1, 2012
Posts
5,468
First, you post a diatribe on Facebook and set all your youtube videos to private.
 

K_K

Honourary Irishman.,
20 Year Member
Joined
Oct 31, 2001
Posts
15,918
Strangers on a train. Cross cross. Swap murders.
 

oliverclaude

General Morden's Aide
Joined
Feb 3, 2013
Posts
7,688
Strangers on a train. Cross cross. Swap murders.

Chandler & Cook made it perfectly clear with Strangers on a Train : motive is key. You haven't one, you practically off the hook. The rest is just careful planning to avoid witnesses.

So first, I'd have to kill someone from another forum and a member from there, would do it here for me. Of course, thanks to Rot, pcenginefx & shmups aren't an option anymore -- they have plenty of motives.

Well, and since I'm on ng.com, which is at war with any other forum out there, it would be impossible to find someone who has no motive whatsoever to kill anyone here... and that's probably the reason, why we are the safest place on the inanet: everyone would have a habitual motive to kill one of us. Naturally, they stay away then.

This has a logical downside, of course. If someone would indeed murder one of us, there would be like a gazillion possible suspects. The perfect hideout for a needle is not a haystack, but a stack of other needles. A big temptation for any halfwit out there.
 

evil wasabi

The Jongmaster
20 Year Member
Joined
Aug 20, 2000
Posts
60,434
Post my name and username and the address of the target, as if it was my own, on a video game forum, and let one of the many people who hate me go kill the wrong guy.
 

AJtheMishima

Bub & Bob's Bubble Buddy
Joined
Jun 13, 2009
Posts
1,617
figure out my victims routine, dress as a bum and murder her late at night infront of other ppl of the street so they couldnt make a positive id on me, but still have eye witnesses to the murder and have a solid alibi of where i was during that time

I guess the murder weapon would be a ice blade so the evidence would melt away lol
 
Last edited:

Rot

Calvin & Hobbes, ,
Joined
Jul 8, 2003
Posts
11,441
Looking for ideas Rot? ;)

I'm working on the rule... JUST INCASE...

A Policeman once told me that the perfect murder would be... getting drunk or high on substances and running over someone in your car ...

The likelihood of jail is higher now... due to a change in the UK's laws... BUT... if you have a spotless record... you usually get a slap on the wrist and probation...

xROTx
 

DNSDies

I LOVE HILLARY CLINTON!
Joined
Mar 15, 2015
Posts
1,983
Drop them off in one of the East Oakland Projects with an "all lives matter" shirt, their mouth duct-taped shut, and a gorilla mask on.

But seriously, over a long period of time where I didn't need to be there to do it, with no motive and no witnesses. Like put a small chunk of Actinium (or anything in that decay chain) in someone's water heater, which would slowly decay over the course of many months until it hit Thallium, which can be absorbed though skin contact and is water soluble.

About 6 weeks later, the thallium would decay to lead and any forensic investigation to believe it was lead in the pipes that killed them.

I'd have an alibi during that entire period, and no ready motive.
 

Tanooki

War Room Troll
Joined
May 24, 2016
Posts
1,745
If the data out there is true about various bullshit forensics practices out there, even with a witness you could get off. Police like to rely on witnesses, fingerprints, some try and scare still using the old polygraph but each are easy to manipulate. The first you just need to mold the memories to your need with a witness, cast doubt so they may question what happened and it's not hard if you know what to say to direct that train of thought. Fingerprints while fairly good aren't unique to each person, so there's always a chance you can have a double or more out there and there have been a few cases where the wrong dude was busted over a fingerprint on a weapon/scene but later exonerated with DNA. Lie detectors are just body rhythm detection, if you know how to set one off, you know how to not set one off and can get away with anything on them.

Not moving the body is good, if you're in a spot where evidence would be hard to find nice but what if not? You'll need a good place to dump a stiff, and the best spots are the least traveled such as at sea, middle of nowhere(desert terrain), or a place where no man walks ever deep in like the Montana back woods where you're more likely to find sasquatch than a corpse. The problem with moving is that you can leave evidence. I imagine one would need to be wearing gloves to leave their DNA off of the stiff, and second kill clean anything leaks/falls off is a problem so do that and have a big ass body bag or other garbage type bag to seal up things so you don't leave a trace. Another course that might work I suppose if not dumping it elsewhere, dump it local, find a nice tub of acid (kind of like The Dip drum in Roger Rabbit) and dissolve everything leaving no trace at all. In the end it's all about doing it clean and having a clean way to leave or disintegrate the body so no annoying bits of evidence are left behind.
 

mjmjr25

went home to be a family man
10 Year Member
Joined
Dec 18, 2010
Posts
2,881
Get away with...and frame.

There are about a few dozen people who don't know how to keep their short and curlies off the toilet seat. Grab a couple of those, maybe their used paper towel after hand washing, and their empty Fresca they "thought" they were recycling.

Set something up with the person you're framing. A place for drinks, a false craigs list ad, something to have them out of their own home and without any human alibis - they are alone for at least 20 mins the night of the murder and can't account for that time, "I was driving to a spot for a craigs list pick up - the person never showed" is not a great alibi.

Then, leave the Fresca bottle in the victim's car, the used paper towels in the victim's trashbin, and the curlies with the body.

DNA is the best thing to happen to criminal investigation / DNA is the worst thing to happen to criminal investigation.
 

Rot

Calvin & Hobbes, ,
Joined
Jul 8, 2003
Posts
11,441
I'd post that I have a MOTW 2 unreleased US AES cart... and invite Liquid Snake to the UK...

...At the Airport... I'd "meat" him... REAL GOOD!

xROTx

PS. Will take pics...
 
Top