- Joined
- Jul 25, 2012
- Posts
- 10,149
How many times have you heard someone say "we have a taste of what having kids is like because we have a dog" only for someone who actually has kids to jump down their neck with "you have no fucking idea what it's like - having a dog doesn't even scratch the surface?!"
Well, I have 3 kids and buoyed by the spirit of the above interactions I bowed to pressure and got a puppy about 3 months ago.
The above sentiments are bullshit. Having a puppy is almost exactly the same as having kids. In fact in many ways it's even harder.
You can't stick a nappy (diaper) on a dog so it's piss and shit time in your house for what has taken months of training. You don't have to walk your baby twice a day rain or shine. Your baby doesn't learn how to walk almost immediately then follow you round the house whining absolutely every second of every day.
Sleepless nights? Check. Expense? Check. Guilt you're not doing enough with them? Check. Incredible limitations on what you can and can't do? CHECK.
The only saving grace is, now, at 3 months, things are starting to ease up on the dog stress front. She very rarely shits on the rug or pisses on my daughters bed (that one actually made me laugh a lot, it was her pressure that lead to the dog in the first place), she sleeps through the night without needing to be taken to the garden now and she's very slowly getting used to the idea of some state of relaxation for five minutes on her own. With kids, the early years stress doesn't really ease for, what, 4 years?
So, in my opinion, having a puppy is actually a very good indicator of what you're in for if you go down the kids route. Just take those first 3 months and drag them out for a few years instead.
The solution?
Get a cat.
Cats piss and shit outside within about 30 minutes of being born.
Cats are cute as fuck for about 3 months and roll all over you and want nothing more than to play. After that they suddenly realise they don't give a shit about you but that's perfect because you realise about the same time that you don't give a shit about them anymore either.
You just buy a cat flap and throw some slop down for a cat twice a day and you are as good a cat owner as someone can be.
Sometimes I look at my household menagerie with a glowing fondness, sometimes I look at them all and feel like Noah, but hoping my ark sinks.
Well, I have 3 kids and buoyed by the spirit of the above interactions I bowed to pressure and got a puppy about 3 months ago.
The above sentiments are bullshit. Having a puppy is almost exactly the same as having kids. In fact in many ways it's even harder.
You can't stick a nappy (diaper) on a dog so it's piss and shit time in your house for what has taken months of training. You don't have to walk your baby twice a day rain or shine. Your baby doesn't learn how to walk almost immediately then follow you round the house whining absolutely every second of every day.
Sleepless nights? Check. Expense? Check. Guilt you're not doing enough with them? Check. Incredible limitations on what you can and can't do? CHECK.
The only saving grace is, now, at 3 months, things are starting to ease up on the dog stress front. She very rarely shits on the rug or pisses on my daughters bed (that one actually made me laugh a lot, it was her pressure that lead to the dog in the first place), she sleeps through the night without needing to be taken to the garden now and she's very slowly getting used to the idea of some state of relaxation for five minutes on her own. With kids, the early years stress doesn't really ease for, what, 4 years?
So, in my opinion, having a puppy is actually a very good indicator of what you're in for if you go down the kids route. Just take those first 3 months and drag them out for a few years instead.
The solution?
Get a cat.
Cats piss and shit outside within about 30 minutes of being born.
Cats are cute as fuck for about 3 months and roll all over you and want nothing more than to play. After that they suddenly realise they don't give a shit about you but that's perfect because you realise about the same time that you don't give a shit about them anymore either.
You just buy a cat flap and throw some slop down for a cat twice a day and you are as good a cat owner as someone can be.
Sometimes I look at my household menagerie with a glowing fondness, sometimes I look at them all and feel like Noah, but hoping my ark sinks.
