? For people in their late 20's & 30's...

[genjuro1]

Are any of you that are single/never been married, with no kids, constantly being hounded/pressured by your family and married with child(ren) friends to get married and have kids?

I turned 30 in March and for the past 5 years or so, my family and friends who are married with child(ren) have been gradually turning up the heat on me and my sister to get married and have kids. My sister (28) doesn't get it as bad as me because she's always had long-term boyfriends, but she also is not married, and has no kids.

I keep telling them that I just simply haven't been able to find a quality woman. I always get girls who are crazy, bitches, sluts, or a combination of the three. So my relationships only last a few weeks/months. I was engaged when I was 21, but my ex-fiance' wasn't ready, so she quit the relationship. (She tried to get back with me 3 years later, but I had matured, while she was still the same, so I deaded her attempt real quick).

Me and my buddies who are in the same predicament, talk about this often. They say they get the same thing from their families as well. I try to not flip out on my family because I love and respect them, but it's really starting to get on my nerves. It's not like I wanted to be single with no kids at 30. But I'm not gonna try to force it/rush it with someone who I know I'm gonna end up being divorced from. Then I'll be like a lot of dudes I know; divorced and broke, back living with mom, because child support is eatin up most of their paychecks, hating their ex-wife/child(s) mother. I live by myself in my own apartment (since the age of 21), with my own car. Most of the dudes I know who are divorced, or get child support taken out of their paycheck are living like I mentioned above. I'm not trying to have that. I like my independence. When I got sick and had to move back in with my mom for 19 months, I hated it. As soon as I got well enough to get my own apartment again I did.

I get mad at my family also, because most of them have kids, but have never been married, or have been married and divorced several times. My parents are divorced and are both on their third marriage. I was 12 when my parents were going through their divorce, 13 when it was finalised. That was an ugly situation, (as most divorces are) I'm not trying to have all that. I have to be sure I have a quality/strong woman, it's hard nowadays because like I said most of the chicks today are scandalous, crazy, bitches, and ho's. And at my age most of them got 2 & 3 kids with some knucklehead dude(s) (more drama that I'm not really interested in dealing with). Yet I'll keep searching...

 

[lithy]

turning up the heat on me and my sister to get married and have kids.

Gross.

 

[SouthtownKid]

Don't rush. If there is one thing in all of life that you shouldn't rush into, it's having kids.




But if there's two things, it's getting married.

 

[payment_due]

I'm 32 and have been married since 1998. No kids here, and my sister can't have kids and hasn't gotten (and probably never will get) married. I don't *ever* want children. I mean no offense to anyone who has little ones but to me they are just a bad idea in my situation. I may be 32 but I don't want to give up the ability to just get up and go watch a movie at any time with my wife and friends without having to find a sitter. That may be more of a selfish reason but I'm not hurting anything by not having kids so I don't see it as a big deal.

I also don't want to worry about any kind of genetic defects. My friends had a kid and he turned out pretty normal but he has some condition where the bones in his right foot never grew past the arch, so it looks like he has a little club foot-type thing but otherwise he's a normal kid. And like I mentioned in the warroom thread, all of the females in my wife's family except for her mom have had at least 1 miscarriage. So EFF that.

I say that if you 'cant find a quality woman', that's YOUR decision and YOUR "problem" and they can butt the fuck out. If they want kids so much then if you have siblings they can get some from there. I know my mom would love to have some grandkids, but it just ain't gonna happen. It's your perogative. You shouldn't feel pressured by your family. It's non of their concern.

Unless of course your a family of Monarchs and there are no other male children after you... then... Well, I'd say get crackin. :P

 

[evil wasabi]

Don't rush. If there is one thing in all of life that you shouldn't rush into, it's having kids.




But if there's two things, it's getting married.

it's never the right to have a child.

And it's never the right time to fall in love.

Just take it as a blessing either way and move forward.

 

[abasuto]

I'm 33 and never married and no kids. I am engaged though, with the wedding date pending.

As for kids, we've talked alot about adoption when we decide to have one. I don't really see the point of having a kid when there's countless kids without parents in need of one.

Oh, and we'll only adopt an American kid, no taking a kid from another country. I'm more than sick of these hollywood cocksuckers adopting kids from 3rd world countries thinking it somehow makes them some human rights icon. Yes, it sucks for those kids living in those countries, but I look out for my own country first.

 

[racecar]

are you financially $table to start a family.. yes thats right you have to be able to afford them

 

[SouthtownKid]

Oh, and we'll only adopt an American kid, no taking a kid from another country. I'm more than sick of these hollywood cocksuckers adopting kids from 3rd world countries thinking it somehow makes them some human rights icon.

That's not the only reason people adopt from abroad. But I guess you'll find out more about that when you're ready to look into it, and you see what the years-long waiting list is like, the screening process, the hoops you have to jump through, etc. Unless you're a super-high income family, buying American might not be as easy as you think in this situation.

 

[genjuro1]

Unless of course your a family of Monarchs and there are no other male children after you... then... Well, I'd say get crackin. :P

I've got an older half brother (39) who also is single, no kids, but he is partially retarded/slow. So nobody bothers him about it.

My dad is the worst. Keeps bugging me about continuing the family bloodline and whatnot. Because I'm not sure if I even want to have kids...

 

[SouthtownKid]

My dad is the worst. Keeps bugging me about continuing the family bloodline and whatnot. Because I'm not sure if I even want to have kids...

"Fuck the family bloodline" is the decision I finally came to. I like my dad okay, but it's not like I think I'd be doing the world any great favor by passing my genes on. My family name is okay, but there are plenty of other people all around the world who have it, so whatever. And my wife really doesn't want kids, which is pretty much the clincher.

 

[payment_due]

Heh, I've gotten that from my mom and even my stepdad. My dad died when I was 19. Just when I was finally realizing what a cool jackass he was. My mom's told me to keep the family name going in remembrance of my dad.

I still can't bring myself to actually *want* children.

 

[Asmoday]

I am your age and have no kids as well, but I am in a long term stable relationship. I have gotten the "why aren't you married yet" speech a few times, but everyone in my family save my great aunt and her husband ended in divorce so I see very little of value in making anything official. My girlfriend grew up as the product of a marriage that was only held together for the good of the kids and ended when she was 15 or 16 in a bitter divorce as well so she isn't all that keen on it either.

I don't get the "where are my grandkids" crap because I nipped that in the bud EARLY. I had always been vocal about my disinterest in raising any offspring so my family only ever mentioned it in veiled ways and I told them flat out that if they expected someone to carry on our lineage they best get to making another child to dump their hopes on. Luckily my girlfriend is one of those that only likes kids in short spurts. She will take care of her best friend's kid for an afternoon, but she is happy to give the child back at the end of 3-4 hours. Of course, she isn't up against the biological clock yet. If we can make it another 7 years or so I will consider that ship to have sailed. If she changes her mind before then we will unfortunately have to part ways.

 

[aria]

Never. There was pressure to get an advanced degree, but (unlike the families of some of the women I've dated) there's no pressure for me to do anything until I'm interested in doing so. The only people who've ever brought it up are people who aren't particularly close to me --and the number increased by an order of magnitude when I moved to Minnesota --where the upper Midwest kids are apparently expected to settle down a lot faster than Southern Californians that I used to hang out with. If a person pushes the point a step to far I usually start asking when their parents got married, and keep turning the screws until it starts to get harsh and they get the picture that what works in their (apparently geographic or socio-economic) culture doesn't work with me.

I think women hear stuff more mostly because of the biological stopwatch with the ability to have children.

 

[kernow]

Don't rush. If there is one thing in all of life that you shouldn't rush into, it's having kids.




But if there's two things, it's getting married.

A-fucking-men

 

[mydogbilly]

I know exactly what you're going through man. My wife and I were married for 7 years before having our first child, and for years we kept hearing the same jive you are getting. Eventually, like you, I got fed up with it and tactfully told everyone we would have a baby when we were ready. Everyone was fine with that, and I was able to move on. Good luck.

 

[Deuce]

I didn't get married until I was 33. We're coming up on our second anniversary in about six weeks... I have no kids of my own, and don't really want any (two stepkids are plenty). I wasn't even looking for a relationship when I met my wife. It just sort of happened that way.

My mother and I are estranged, by my own choice. She used to hassle me about getting married, or in her words, "finding the right person." But lo and behold, she doesn't approve of who I chose to marry, because my wife is a stay-at-home mother, and a bout with cancer in her teens kept her from graduating HS. Note that my mother was a SAHM who never graduated high school, either. So, rather than deal with her onslaught of self-righteous bullshit, I simply don't talk to her... nor do I feel any particular urge to initiate contact. One thing she never seems to cotton to is the simple fact that having a biological link to someone doesn't entitle you to a say, or even a presence, in someone's life. I'm on similar terms with my sister (who couldn't be more unlike me if she were making a conscious effort). I love my father, though. He's mellowed out a lot in the last decade... and actually accepts me for who and what I am. What a crazy concept, no?

 

[mydogbilly]

One thing she never seems to cotton to is the simple fact that having a biological link......

I enjoyed your post, and am sorry to hear about you and your mother, but being from up north you lost me on the 'cotton to' quote. Can you explain please?

 

[Deuce]

One thing she never seems to cotton to is the simple fact that having a biological link......

I enjoyed your post, and am sorry to hear about you and your mother, but being from up north you lost me on the 'cotton to' quote. Can you explain please?

"Cotton to" is a colloquial expression. It means "understand."

 

[Asmoday]

One thing she never seems to cotton to is the simple fact that having a biological link......

I enjoyed your post, and am sorry to hear about you and your mother, but being from up north you lost me on the 'cotton to' quote. Can you explain please?

It just means to "take to or agree with" something. I think it goes back to textile work where they had to join cotton with other cloth types like wool by simple machine.

 

[Segata_Sanshiro]

Don't rush. If there is one thing in all of life that you shouldn't rush into, it's having kids.




But if there's two things, it's getting married.

Not speaking from experience of course, but this does make sense to me

Genjuro: As Dan Savage says, the only common denominator in all the relationships you've had is you. You may want to go about things differently if you're only attracting losers. Or not, not trying to be a dick...just sayin'

But yeah, you're correct. Rushing into making a family to fulfill your relatives' bullshit expectations would be a bad thing to do

 

[zombiesara]

That may be more of a selfish reason but I'm not hurting anything by not having kids so I don't see it as a big deal.

That's not selfish at all. It's selfish when people have children, go to movies (not child appropriate movies) and bring them along.

Responsible people have children when they are ready and financially stable. Selfish people have kids because they a) were too fucking lazy to use birth control or b) have some bullshit motive (keeping a relationship together, some other such ca-ca)

Yes, yes, there are always exceptions to every rule, but I don't care, so bleh.

 

[Phyeir]

I think that it's those relatives realizing how much their life has sucked since having kids, trying to drag you down along for the ride.

 

[HeartlessNinny]

Are any of you that are single/never been married, with no kids, constantly being hounded/pressured by your family and married with child(ren) friends to get married and have kids?

I turned 30 in March and for the past 5 years or so, my family and friends who are married with child(ren) have been gradually turning up the heat on me and my sister to get married and have kids. My sister (28) doesn't get it as bad as me because she's always had long-term boyfriends, but she also is not married, and has no kids.

I keep telling them that I just simply haven't been able to find a quality woman. I always get girls who are crazy, bitches, sluts, or a combination of the three. So my relationships only last a few weeks/months. I was engaged when I was 21, but my ex-fiance' wasn't ready, so she quit the relationship. (She tried to get back with me 3 years later, but I had matured, while she was still the same, so I deaded her attempt real quick).

Me and my buddies who are in the same predicament, talk about this often. They say they get the same thing from their families as well. I try to not flip out on my family because I love and respect them, but it's really starting to get on my nerves. It's not like I wanted to be single with no kids at 30. But I'm not gonna try to force it/rush it with someone who I know I'm gonna end up being divorced from. Then I'll be like a lot of dudes I know; divorced and broke, back living with mom, because child support is eatin up most of their paychecks, hating their ex-wife/child(s) mother. I live by myself in my own apartment (since the age of 21), with my own car. Most of the dudes I know who are divorced, or get child support taken out of their paycheck are living like I mentioned above. I'm not trying to have that. I like my independence. When I got sick and had to move back in with my mom for 19 months, I hated it. As soon as I got well enough to get my own apartment again I did.

I get mad at my family also, because most of them have kids, but have never been married, or have been married and divorced several times. My parents are divorced and are both on their third marriage. I was 12 when my parents were going through their divorce, 13 when it was finalised. That was an ugly situation, (as most divorces are) I'm not trying to have all that. I have to be sure I have a quality/strong woman, it's hard nowadays because like I said most of the chicks today are scandalous, crazy, bitches, and ho's. And at my age most of them got 2 & 3 kids with some knucklehead dude(s) (more drama that I'm not really interested in dealing with). Yet I'll keep searching...

Sounds like your family is pretty nosy and pushy. Of course a lot of families are... If they're really giving you shit though, just tell them that they're starting to piss you off. Tell them it's your life and this isn't up for debate. If they don't like it, I'd just ignore them. Going on the offensive probably won't help either.

 

[Asmoday]

That's not selfish at all. It's selfish when people have children, go to movies (not child appropriate movies) and bring them along.

That reminds me of the jack off that brought his 5-8 year old to the movies with him to see Seven. I laughed my ass off when the kid went berserk during that scene where they have the guy in the interogation room who was forced to bang the hooker with a bladed strap on. Dipshit.

 

[Insaneclown]

Those are the kinds of girls I attract are the ones you listed. Same goes for me...it lasts weeks/months...then that's it.

The only thing is my family doesnt pressure me so I'm okay here...yet I want to be with a special girl. I can't seem to find one in these parts. I dunno...I guess only time will tell.

Just take it easy and they shouldn't pressure you like this.