Heard any good jokes lately?

roker

CANCELED
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Doctor: "I'm sorry, but you have a very aggressive form of brain cancer."

Man: "I want a second opinion."

Doctor: "You're also very unattractive."
 

Late

Reichsf?rer-Finnland,
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Q: What is funny but not true?

A: The Holocaust
 

evil wasabi

The Jongmaster
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Q: What is funny but not true?

A: The Holocaust

Meh.

You know what’s super funny though? Nordic tattoos. White nationalists in SPb get them not realizing how gay it looks to an outsider. It’s almost like white nationalism in your region is secretly about being fags.

You should laugh. That’s funny.
 

FilthyRear

Neo-Geo.com's, Top Rated Bully.,
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Q: What is funny but not true?

A: The Holocaust

tenor.gif
 

Lemony Vengeance

Mitt Romney's Hairdresser,
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Posts
4,201
Q: What is funny but not true?

A: The Holocaust

Damn, that's a good 'welcome back to the forum' post.

29XYmgE.gif


Meh.

You know what’s super funny though? Nordic tattoos. White nationalists in SPb get them not realizing how gay it looks to an outsider. It’s almost like white nationalism in your region is secretly about being fags.

You should laugh. That’s funny.

A co worker of mine has one, just like Bjork. I spent time in Iceland last winter. Great place. Expensive AF though.
 
Last edited:

lachlan

VB longneck at 8am in the fuckin mornin'
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Late killed the thread! woo hoo!
 

famicommander

Tak enabled this rank change
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One morning a man wakes up and hears a voice in his head

The voice says, "Sell your house, quit your job, take the money to Vegas."

As he brushes his teeth, "Sell your house, quit your job, take the money to Vegas."

As he drives to work, "Sell your house, quit your job, take the money to Vegas."

All day, over and over again as he sits at his desk, "Sell your house, quit your job, take the money to Vegas."

After several days of it, the man can take no more.

He quits his job

He sells his house.

He gets on a plane to Vegas

As soon as the plane lands, the voice returns, "Get to the Bellagio"

He goes to the Bellagio.

The voice says, "Get to the roulette table."

He gets to the roulette table.

The voice say, "Bet every dime you have on 12 red."

He bets it all on red.

It comes up black

The voice in his head says, "FUCK!"
 

M

Vanessa's Drinking Buddy,
15 Year Member
Joined
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Posts
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Q: What's long, green, and smells like pork?

A: Kermit the Frog's finger.

One of my female coworkers told me that gem years ago!
 

StevenK

ng.com SFII tournament winner 2002-2021
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One morning a man wakes up and hears a voice in his head

The voice says, "Sell your house, quit your job, take the money to Vegas."

As he brushes his teeth, "Sell your house, quit your job, take the money to Vegas."

As he drives to work, "Sell your house, quit your job, take the money to Vegas."

All day, over and over again as he sits at his desk, "Sell your house, quit your job, take the money to Vegas."

After several days of it, the man can take no more.

He quits his job

He sells his house.

He gets on a plane to Vegas

As soon as the plane lands, the voice returns, "Get to the Bellagio"

He goes to the Bellagio.

The voice says, "Get to the roulette table."

He gets to the roulette table.

The voice say, "Bet every dime you have on 12 red."

He bets it all on red.

It comes up black

The voice in his head says, "FUCK!"

Get out of my head.
 

M

Vanessa's Drinking Buddy,
15 Year Member
Joined
Feb 10, 2003
Posts
6,123
One night a little girl walks in on her parents having sex. The mother is going up and down on the father and when she sees her daughter looking at them she immediately stops
“What are you doing, Mommy?”
The mother too embarrassed to tell her little girl about sex so she makes up an answer.
“Well, sweetie, sometimes daddy’s tummy gets too big so I have to jump up and down on it to flatten it out.”
The little girl replies, “Well, mommy you really shouldn’t bother with that.”
The mother has a confused look on her face, “Why do you say that sweetheart?”
The little girl replies, “Because mommy, every time you leave in the morning, the lady next door comes over and blows it back up.”

***

Boy in the bath tub with his mum
Boy says, "Whats that hairy thing, Mum ?
Mum replies, "That's my sponge."
"Oh yes," says the boy, "The babysitter has one too; I've seen her washing dad's face with it ."

***

A man is lying on the beach, sun bathing, wearing nothing but a cap over his dick.
An ugly woman is passing and remarks "If you were a gentleman, you would lift your hat for a lady ..."
He replies "If you were any sort of lady, the hat would lift itself!"
 

WoodyXP

Setsuna's Owl Keeper,
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Kelvin Benjamin got upset when he found out he signed a deal with KC.

He thought he was signing a contract for KFC.
 

oliverclaude

General Morden's Aide
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Posts
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If, God forbid, God exists, then may God help us all.
But if, thank God, God's not there, then praised be the Lord, my God.
 

NeoCverA

RevQuixo. Who He?,
20 Year Member
Joined
Aug 7, 2002
Posts
6,567
Q: What's long, green, and smells like pork?

A: Kermit the Frog's finger.

One of my female coworkers told me that gem years ago!

Reminds me of:

What do you get when you mix the Pilsbury Dough Boy with a Cabbage Patch Kid?

An ugly bitch with a yeast infection.
 

LoneSage

A Broken Man
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Dec 20, 2004
Posts
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I never, ever make jokes at work out of fear of someone else getting offended and reporting it to a higher-up.

I guess, in that sense, I am the joke.
 

terry.330

Time? Astonishing!
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I thought I was a student at Hogwarts, turns out I just got black out drunk, broke into an elementary school and took a shit in a broom closet.
 
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